Trust and Marriage

The primary complaint in most relationships is that a lack of communication is the basis of discord and misunderstanding. Though this is a problem, to be sure, it is the result of the problem, not the root cause. In order to construct a foundation for relationship, based on God given principles, one must first look at the basic problem.



The key causes to relationship breakdowns are:



1. Selfishness - Since selfishness began with Adam and Eve, and is passed along to all mankind, this problem constantly intrudes into marriage, which leads to division not union. The ego centeredness in all of us overwhelms, and this brings problems in every aspect of life.

2. Committment - Fairly self explanatory this one. One party has fears of committment or realises they or the other person won't be able to fullfil their vows and promises to each other.

3. Priorities - Again, fairly straight forward. We tend to place work, family, friends etc before our partner and more importantly before God.

4. Trust - Trust is the foundation and jewel of marriage (Proverbs 31:11). Trust is built through the WILL of Agape love (I Corinthians 13). This type of love is not of the emotional variety, but of a willingness to project one's self to their partner unselfishly, through honesty, truthfulness, integrity, understanding, openness, encouragement, etc. The combination of the willingness on the part of each to the other, produces a trust that nurtures emotional love and fulfillment that is so satisfying.



BECOMING TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF

How often do you promise yourself you are going to do something and then don’t do it? I'm talking about even those little things such as losing weight, going to the gym, get more sleep or catch up with friends. Well when you don't carry these actions out, you are not being trustworthy with yourself.



This would be like promising a child something and then not doing it. Eventually the child would learn not to trust you. The same applies with your Child within. If you promise yourself – your Inner Child – that you will take care of yourself in some way and then you don’t do it, the Inner Child learns that there is no inner adult to trust. Since many of us project onto others our own inner issues, it is likely that if you are not trustworthy with yourself, you will project untrustworthiness onto others. You will continue to distrust others as long as you are not behaving in a trustworthy way with yourself and with others.



TRUSTING YOURSELF

Many of us grew up with parents who did not trust our feelings and perceptions. We might have been told that what we felt and what we experienced was wrong.



Mother: Put on a sweater. It’s cold outside.

Child: I’m not cold.

Mother: You’re just a child. What do you know? Put on a sweater.



I'm sure we can relate to something like that. After a while, we learn to discount and mistrust our feelings and perceptions. We learn to give our authority away to our parents and other adults, deciding that others must know more about what we feel, want and perceive than we do. We abandon our inner knowing and stop trusting ourselves.

Trust in yourself and then you can trust in others.